Souji SquarePants
by NaniWise
Summary: Some extremely dumb crack fanfictions in which Souji is spongebob. No pairings. Please R n R.
1. Souji SquarePants (06-26 22:19:04)

I **despise myself so much right now. I own nothing and I hope you enjoy. Good day and God bless**.

Okita Souji always bought the games, animes and movies he had cameos in. It was a sort of hobby in a way.

The newest thing he added to his collection was a mobile game but before he did so, he was going to play and play till he found himself.

That was exactly what he did every morning for the past week.

"Okita!"

Souji, one of the youngest members of the Shinsengumi, lifted his head from his phone, where he was playing the very popular Fate Grand Order, to look to Kondou with a slight smile.

"Hey Kondou." He said softly, "How's everything been treating you?"

The kind leader looked down to see what Souji was playing and the bore a serious look.

"Listen," Kondou said, speaking in as quiet a voice possible, "I didn't want to say this in front of the others, but…. that game makes your character look like a girl!"

Souji just stared at him with oblivious eyes and Kondou stared back.

That was, of course, until Souji began to smile from ear to ear.

"Is she a pretty girl?"

And almost as though someone flipped a switch, Kondou paled as white as a sheets and began to sputter uncontrollably.

He, a happily married man, was not entirely sure how to tell Souji that he personally thought she was ugly without hurting his feelings so he chose to lie.

"Oh- um- well- um," He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, "S-S-She's beautiful- um-"

A sudden intense death glare made him shudder. If he hadn't already been very familiar with it, he would have thought one one had dropped acid on his shoulder.

Her turned to see Hijikata glaring holes into his back for whatever reason.

Kondou was about to say something when he heard Souji's maniacal and melodic laughter fill the air as he made his way to his room, looking far far far FAR too pleased with what just happened.


	2. Souji SquarePants

I own nothing and I apologize for nothing. This is purely intended for comedic purposes so please don't take anything seriously. I hope you enjoy and God bless!

Yes, Okita Souji was not there when Kondou gave himself up to the enemy so that his friend, Hijikata and his friend, Chizuru could escape safe and sound, thank goodness.

If he had, everything, including the Shinsengumi, would have to pay for Souji's temper tantrum.

Thank goodness he wasn't there. Otherwise Hijikata would never hear the end of it.

Luckily he wasn't there.

But.

But let's say he was-

-"But Kondou-San!"

With tears in his sharp green eyes, Souji threw himself at Kondous feet, practically begging him to let him stay by his side with every fiber of being.

"I don't want to work for him!" He growled with a look of pure cruelty upon his features as he cast a death glare at the equally distressed Hijikata.

He turned back to Kondou with a look of pure childlike puppy eyes, trying to force his mentor and father figure to stay.

"I want to work here with you with the Shinsengumi!" He cried before throwing his arms around Kondou and breaking down into full on sobbing like a small child again.

Hijikata, baring a hideous scowl, was really tempted to leave the brat here to get decapitated. He really expected Kondou to be the strong one in this situation but he was quickly proven wrong when Kondou also threw his arms around Souji and began to cry bitterly as well.

"I'm sorry, boy!" Sobbed Kondou, "It's all my fault!"

No one was really sure why he said that last comment but that didn't stop Chizuru and the other soldiers around them from tearing up at the truly touching scene.

"What kind of cold heartless person…." Chizuru said as she wiped away a tear from her eye, "Would break apart such a loving relationship?"

"I would." Hijikata growled as he approached the two with a metal crowbar which he then proceeded to ply Souji off Kondou and drag him far away to where he would be safe.

"Souji!" Sobbed Kondou as he watched his student get dragged away out of sight never to be seen again.

"Kondou-San!" Cried Souji one last time as Hijikata dragged him away by his collar reluctantly.


End file.
